Ever notice something about a person’s life or situation that seems very obvious to you, but the person that you’re talking to doesn’t notice? Or, it seems that they have been repeating the same pattern over and over again, but they haven’t noticed the connections between their patterns and their life situations?
I have the privilege of hearing people’s life stories on a daily basis. I recognize patterns or behaviors very quickly, but I’m bothered when some clients are blind to these (because they don’t want to see?). My role as a coach is to point out these behaviors and patterns, to help people see things that are obvious to everyone else, and to help them recognize the effects on their life.
Let me explain …
Of course, it sure seems obvious to me that your relationship is not going down a happy path when your husband or boyfriend doesn’t come home for nights on end, texts pictures of his “body parts” to others, or drinks too much, or does drugs, or has a serious gambling problem, etc. etc. etc. The list goes on and on. I know that you are unhappy and uncertain (you’ve been telling me this for weeks) but you can’t (or won’t) see or accept the pattern of behavior that is there in front of your eyes and can’t (or won’t) put “2 + 2” together and see the situation that is obvious to the rest of us. Instead you excuse it away.
How about another example …
You come to me and tell me how lousy you feel, how your clothes don’t fit well anymore, how you have no energy or drive. Yet, you have no idea why this is happening to you.
When I look at your life, I see you driving through Bojangles or McDonalds several days each week (you stated), swinging through Starbucks each day for that cafe latte with that 370 calorie (19 grams of fat) cookie to go with it (“it’s only one cookie!”). Snack all day, eat enormous portion sizes, and … dare I say it … keep putting off joining the gym or doing any exercise at all. It’s no surprise to me to see why you have a weight issue or at the very least why you don’t feel good. I mean, I’m no rocket scientist, but of course you don’t feel well!
Okay, the point I want to make and the “message for the day” is to
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop pretending that you don’t see these behaviors, patterns, and the ‘red flags’ that are warning you of issues in your life. Take care of yourself! Stop ignoring the signs and that little voice of wisdom inside of you when it speaks shouts!
You don’t have to sign up for a marathon, or make a similar life-altering change to make improvements in your life. Instead, start small. Pick one aspect of your life to start with (like eating healthier, moving your body, etc.) and make that work. Stick with it and start feeling the benefits, by making then add another small change. You’ll build on one success after the other, create new and lasting habits and, before you know it, you’ll see the improvements and enjoy a happier, healthier life.