Sometimes It’s The Little Things That Seem So Obvious

Ever notice something about a person’s life or situation that seems very obvious to you, but the person that you’re talking to doesn’t notice?  Or, it seems that they have been repeating the same pattern over and over again, but they haven’t noticed the connections between their patterns and their life situations?

I have the privilege of hearing people’s life stories on 74efb1530f8e39d1f7c311184c1c67eca daily basis.  I recognize patterns or behaviors very quickly, but I’m bothered when some clients are blind to these (because they don’t want to see?).  My role as a coach is to point out these behaviors and patterns, to help people see things that are obvious to everyone else, and to help them recognize the effects on their life.

Let me explain …

Of course, it sure seems obvious to me that your relationship is not going down a happy path when your husband or boyfriend doesn’t come home for nights on end, texts pictures of his “body parts” to others, or drinks too much, or does drugs, or has a serious gambling problem, etc. etc. etc.  The list goes on and on.  I know that you are unhappy and uncertain (you’ve been telling me this for weeks) but you can’t (or won’t) see or accept the pattern of behavior that is there in front of your eyes and can’t (or won’t) put “2 + 2” together and see the situation that is obvious to the rest of us. Instead you excuse it away.

How about another example …

You come to me and tell me how lousy you feel, how your clothes don’t fit well anymore, how you have no energy or drive.  Yet, you have no idea why this is happening to you.

When I look at your life, I see you driving through Bojangles or McDonalds several days each week (you stated), swinging through Starbucks each day for that cafe latteIMG_0414 with that 370 calorie (19 grams of fat) cookie to go with it (“it’s only one cookie!”).  Snack all day, eat enormous portion sizes, and … dare I say it … keep putting off joining the gym or doing any exercise at all.  It’s no surprise to me to see why you have a weight issue or at the very least why you don’t feel good.  I mean, I’m no rocket scientist, but of course you don’t feel well!

Okay, the point I want to make and the “message for the day” is to

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop pretending that you don’t see these behaviors, patterns, and the ‘red flags’ that are warning you of issues in your life.  Take care of yourself!  Stop ignoring the signs and that little voice of wisdom inside of you when it speaks shouts!

IMG_1708You don’t have to sign up for a marathon, or make a similar life-altering change to make improvements in your life.  Instead, start small.  Pick one aspect of your life to start with (like eating healthier, moving your body, etc.) and make that work.  Stick with it and start feeling the benefits, by making then add another small change.  You’ll build on one success after the other, create new and lasting habits and, before you know it, you’ll see the improvements and enjoy a happier, healthier life.

 

Advertisements

Ever have one of these exposed days?

Ever have one of these days?

IMG_0391

Usually I am (thankfully) pretty even tempered. I am not hormonal, as a rule, so I don’t fluctuate a whole lot. If anything, I may get hyper or excitable over something really good or something I enjoy a lot, like a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone or a cute picture of a Boston Terrier that someone posted on Facebook.  Or, maybe a texting marathon into the wee hours of the night with my daughter over the show details of The Bachelorette (she likes short shrimpy men).  Yeah, I’m really that easy!  But, I can honestly say that I don’t experience too many bad moody days.

Except for the other day, I am almost embarrassed to admit  ….. I snapped like a twig. I irritatingly rushed to answer my phone (during my lunch, mind you) while going through emails at my desk and simply trying to do too many tasks at once.  On the other end of my phone was this cool sounding seasoned telemarketer with an extremely heavy Indian accent.  She could have cared less that I couldn’t make heads or tails out of the company she was with, or that I couldn’t make out the purpose of the call.  Me, the hot-tempered raving lunatic was, let’s just say, less than ‘cool’ as my mind still tried to grasp the name of her company.  I felt my blood pressure rise as she continued on with her rehearsed script and me, the Pit Bull, was unwilling to be amused by her memorized lines.

I was like a CRAZY person …. a completely imbalanced bitch from hell …. as I caught myself yelling into the phone!  She was trying to sell me eyelash serum!  Eyelash serum!  I wasted 60 seconds (well, it felt a whole lot longer at the time) of my overworked, multitasked life for eyelash serum!

“Oh yeah, Diahanna, you’re really a pro” I thought, angry at myself for the unwarranted outburst and misdirected anger.

So, I decided to cool off, sit quietly in my room, and chill out.  I was like a lunatic, and this whole episode felt odd.  Before I left the office for home, I decided to deal with every thing that was truly bothering me.  My goal was to get rid of it, get it off my plate, and to never speak of it again.  Why?  Because if I told my husband or vented to a friend (or maybe two), I would relive this sense of aggravation each and every time I spoke of it.  Bringing it up over and over again, which may appear as harmless, takes things in the opposite direction of where I want to be and what I want to feel.

Message for the day:

Handle quickly and with as little effort as possible what ever it is that is keeping you from feeling good.  I did that, and never spoke of it again (example: the telemarketer).  I didn’t run home and tell my husband that I had a “bad” day, I simply kept my mouth shut and distracted myself with things to help me feel just a little bit better.  Sometimes, that is the quickest path to get back on the road to a happier life.  For instance, you could take a walk, play with your dog, throw a ball in the backyard, color or paint, or read a book, sing with the radio, or play the piano.  Just do anything to distract yourself from your “problem” and move yourself into a better feeling. Keep it up lithely little and you will begin to feel better and better.  Then, just get on with living happily.

Eye lash serum anyone?

A Little Bit of Wisdom From A Cookie

Who knew that there could actually be some wisdom found on a tiny piece of paper rolled into a “dessert” cookie?  I’m talking about those little crisp fortune cookies that are always on the tray with the bill that the waiter brings over to your table when you are finished eating Chinese food. (Which, incidentally, is crazy in that they do not actually originate from China but rather from a factory in the United States, based out of California. Who knew?)

The other day my husband read a message in one of our ‘fortune’ cookies and, as he passed the note over to me, said “Now that’s a blog post.” Sure enough, it certainly was.

170

The little message (complete with the winning lottery numbers on the back) said “You can’t steal second base with one foot on first”.

OMG!  How often in a week’s time might I repeat this message to one of my clients or friends!  I may not use those exact words, but the message is the same.

You can’t move forward in life if you’re looking behind you.

You can’t start a new chapter if you haven’t closed the last one.don't look back

Don’t look back  ……. you’re not going that way

You can’t find Mr. Right if you’re holding unto Mr. Wrong (term used loosely here to make a point).

Simply put, you must let go in order to move ahead.

The importance of this statement is so profound!  I could write about this subject for days and days (but then this post would be thousands of words instead of a couple of hundred and that’s not a post but rather a book!).

So, what is your first base?  What are you holding on to?  Is there anything that you need to let go of?  Are you willing to let it go today in order to move forward?

Take a minute to think about it.  Write about it in a journal.  Think about what’s at stake if you don’t make any changes.  Is keeping your foot on your first base necessary in your life now or is it time for a change?

Today’s your day to steal second ….

Stolen base
Run Baby, Run!!!