Each week, I listen to people talk about all kinds of topics. Some days it’s about family or recent issues in their life or maybe some unresolved childhood issues. Lately, the hot topics are concerns about getting divorced, “finding one’s self”, and dating again. But what surprises me a lot is the number of women in their mid-thirties to mid-fifties who live without sex in their lives. Many of them have zero interest, and virtually no drive, and most have minimal knowledge on how to rekindle their passion.
I mean, maybe if you are mid to late nineties I could understand slowing down a bit or not having that much of a sex drive. I’ll often ask a client “How is your sex life at home?” and they will answer “Nonexistent” and sometimes I find they even sleep in a separate bedroom from their partner. Where is the thrill in that? I promise you, this is certainly going to kill your chances for ‘spontaneous’ sex or at the vey least, decrease your chances of actually having sex at all! If EVER!
So, because of this, I have decided to dedicate the next several posts on this very seemly taboo topic! Sex! There, I said it. Sex, sex, sex ….. (and so far no lightening strikes!)
Oh ….. how cool is this …. the song just flipped on my player while I am typing as “Let’s Get It Started” by the Black Eyed Peas begins playing. Let’s get it started in here ….
First things first, let’s clear the air and call it what it is … sex is normal, completely natural and a heck of a lot of fun when done ‘right’. I think that many of you have just forgotten how good it can feel, how pleasurable it can be, and how incredible the connection is with your partner. So, please, for those of you that tell me that you’re just not interested in it, I say hogwash! Let’s take statements like “I don’t care if I ever have sex again” and put that in the bin and haul it out with the morning trash.
Secondly, let’s stop treating the topic of sex like it’s a “hush hush” subject. It isn’t and it certainly doesn’t have to be. In my opinion it’s probably only turned into one because way back when some uptight person decided it was (for them anyway), deemed sex shouldn’t feel good and passed the word along that it should stay hidden. Unfortunately they hid it so well, they probably forgot where they placed their passion. Sex is a wonderful normal function, and we should be able to talk about it openly.
And for some of you that might be thinking that I must be talking about being a complete floozy or “swinging from a chandelier”, I am not (not that there is anything wrong with that if I did). For sake of this conversation, I am only talking about having healthy sex between two consenting adults … or three … well, three or four … yeah, maybe four tops!
So, friends, mothers, daughters, and girlfriends alike, let’s stop being afraid to talk to each other about sex. Let’s stop acting as if there is something wrong with it or wrong with actually liking it. Let’s talk more openly with each other about what feels good, what goes on behind closed doors, and give each other helpful tips. You might be surprised what you will learn when someone says “Have you ever tried …?”
“You say your husband wants what???”